Hello and welcome to my new blog ! My names Kristy , 57 years young and recently faced with the diagnoses of COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease) AKA... my lungs are shot ! They have also found a spot on my left lung still to be diagnosed if cancer or not. I am 100% oxygen dependent at this point. I just got out of the hospital on Thursday with Pneumonia ,so praying the level of oxygen I am currently using can be decreased once the pneumonia has cleared.
Let me back up a bit. I have smoked on and off since I was 18 years old. I had long stretches of not smoking. The last stretch of smoking started when my Dear Husband was fighting his battle with Mesothelioma Lung Cancer nearly 5 years ago. It was toward the end of his life and things were really stressful dealing with losing the man I loved with all my heart and seeing the devastating battle he was enduring. To see him go from a vibrant man to a shell was heart breaking. To care for him 24/7 while dealing with my own health issues, Fibromyalgia, chronic neck and back pain and other issues was rough. But by the grace of God, I endured the exact year from his diagnoses to his death in my arms at home.
Ok so I got side tracked... I started smoking about 2 months before he passed away on July 14th, 2010 and haven't stopped. Why...It's an addiction !! It was something he did til the day before he passed, Dr.'s said it couldn't hurt him anymore. So that is how we would relax outside smoking and enjoying outside time ! Weird I know ! So somehow I have equated that going outside to smoke to him still being with me !!! Stick with me please !! I was told about 10 years ago that I had COPD because of Chronic Bronchitis but had managed to come back well and not require inhalers ,oxygen, etc. But this time the pneumonia knocked me to my knees. When I was taken into the hospital my oxygen levels were dangerously low 70's and my BP was so low. My son can tell the details on that night better than I can !! LOL!! Anyway... Through tests and tests they found pneumonia in right lung and a spot on my left lung. We will follow up on that soon as the pneumonia has cleared.
How has this changed my life ? Well... tremendously !! I no longer smoke !!! ( Hard way to stop ) !! I live tethered to an oxygen machine or tank 24/7. I have small tanks that last an hour to an hour and a half to go out and about. I love being outdoors and this is so limiting ! I feel a bit like a caged animal at this point but know that I will figure out ways to bring this harsh new reality in perspective and be creative with it.
How has this changed my faith ? I've come to a place of peace with this diagnoses . I know that this disease was not something that God ever placed on me ! NEVER ! This is something that I did to myself ! Just as the Mesothelioma that took my beloved husband ,was not God's doing ! IT was caused from a product that man created ! God did not say on the third day He created ASBESTOS !! These diseases are created by mans creation out of the gifts God has given us. We choose how to create new, up and coming things that are potentially harmful to us , NOT GOD !! I chose to smoke, NOT GOD !! Our bodies are a temple HE has given us... we choose to crumble them with out choices. It could be any addiction, food, drugs, cigarettes, drinking etc. My faith is knowing that God still loves me, poor choices and all. That He is with me. That by faith in Him I will have everlasting life with Him in paradise.
I'm NOT MAD AT GOD !! I'm grateful ! I'm grateful for His Grace ! The grace that is sufficient to bring me through this new season of my life ! His love and knowing that He is always here with me ! ALWAYS...even in the darkest hour He is with me !! That HE loves ME !! HE LOVES ME !!!
Where and what will I do from here? I will go on... I will create new inspired art , I will share my story, I will share my faith, I will do my best to inspire and touch other lives. I will love unconditionally, I will be brave, bold, beautiful and totally me !!! Watch out world !!!
Please stop by as I journal my journey and share my ART, Faith, Life and God's Grace !!
Hugs, Kristy
